Seeking God Day 17

haldenEye sight is something I have taken for granted my entire life. I have never known what it was like to look at anything far away or close up and have it appear “blurry.” I use quotations because up until about 4 months ago, blurry was just a concept to me, one I didn’t understand.

I remember going to the eye Dr when I turned 40 and having him tell me that although my vision was perfect on that day, that didn’t mean it would stay that way. He went into a long speech about aging eyes and focus and how everyone eventually succumbs to needing help with their vision.

I listened to him politely all the while thinking to myself that I didn’t need to worry. I remember him saying that some women find that they go to bed one night with perfect vision and seem to wake up the next morning with problems. He even told me about a few patients who swear that after a strong sneeze or coughing attack there eye sight worsened. These were all interesting stories but honestly, I didn’t feel the need to worry.

Then one morning I noticed that the light in my kitchen just didn’t seem bright enough. The next morning I had to keep rubbing my eyes because they seemed so tired. The following morning, I had to keep blinking slowly in order to see the suddenly tiny print in the Bible I was trying to read.

My brain had to process what I was struggling with because it had never encountered this problem before…was I struggling with focus? Was this what it was like to see something as blurry? Honestly, I thought, if I just rub these eyes hard enough I think it will fix everything, but it didn’t. I finally relented and broke out a pair of readers my girlfriend had given me to see if it would help.

Whelp! It did help!

I have no words.

Blurred vision is distracting, it is uncomfortable and it is discouraging. The experience can be unrecognizable at first which seems strange doesn’t it? Once it is recognized however, it has to be fixed. Who wants to live knowing that they aren’t seeing clearly? Suddenly something that was just a nuisance becomes something that can’t go unnoticed any longer, even if you have to humble yourself and wear a pair of awful readers.

Seeing God clearly is much the same way I believe. We try to see God and know Him by filtering Him through our experiences and understandings, our vision of this world. Each of us brings our own unique self to the relationship and because of that there are things about Him, His character, His love, His provision that we either see clearly or we see blurry or maybe we can’t see at all.

I recently got a text from a good friend that read like this:

I honestly never believed I’d be able to see God this way.  I was blown away at the comfort and warmth and love- it was what I imagined it would be like leaning into a dad that truly loved me, and feeling safe and warm and strong and loved and like I was held…

When we seek God, we are humbling ourselves and trying on different pairs of “God readers” to see which ones help us see Him more clearly. Seeking God means that we lay down what we believe and ask Him to help us understand who He is and who we are because of Him. Seeking God opens up a whole new world of possibilities that weren’t even imaginable before we saw Him clearly.

I take my readers off and put the on all day long. Sometimes I need them, other times I don’t. When I look up, everything is blurry when I look down the world in front of me is in focus. This on/off dance is frustrating. Part of me can’t wait for my eyes to get bad enough that I can just wear glasses all day long. I wait for the day that I can be relieved of these readers.

I also wait for the day when my vision and understanding of myself is so broken that I can clearly see God. I desire to know God so fully that I don’t have to wonder any longer if I’m seeing him in focus or if I’m “blurring” some part of His love that I still don’t understand.

Ephesians 3:17-19

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have the power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

The More I Seek You by Kari Jobe

Choreography: Edouard Lock
– Ballet: La La La Human Steps
– This video made by: Birdiej89

One comment

  • Barbara Bierma

    Oh Christine you are making me cry, Your words remind me of dad when he always said he could not wait to go to heaven to see Jesus. I love you my dear daughter!

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