Seeking God Day 12
My oldest son was created to play the saxophone. When he picks up his instrument and puts it to his mouth he can communicate through his horn in a way that is much deeper and more truthful than words ever could hope for. One of his professors told him that he had “it,” that undefinable quality that moves people to their feet when they hear him play and offers them a moment of freedom to lift their hands and shout as they encourage him to continue. As his mom, I’m amazed when I watch others listen to him play and see how deeply they are touched by the melodies he coaxes out of his saxophone. I know he’s good, but I’m his mom. Seeing other’s respond to his playing confirms what my mother’s heart already knew, he has a gift.
He also has pain. Lots of pain. Every time he plays his jaw is filled with excruciating pain from his head and down his neck. It doesn’t make any sense to me. Why would God give him such a precious talent and then allow for him to have so much debilitating pain?
Late at night when I usually want to fall asleep is when he is the most talkative. Parenting a young adult requires that you sacrifice your sleep so that you can meet them during their ridiculously late hours! During those late night chats he has expressed all the questions that are in my own heart about why God allowed this and why the solution is so difficult and how can God possibly demand what is being demanded? The only advice I could give him because I don’t know the answers is to tell him to talk to God; to lay out his frustrations and grievances and fears to God with complete honesty.
“Mom, I have been talking to God, I’ve never felt so close to God and so far away from Him at the same time.”
Isn’t that truth?
There is a phrase the Bible uses a lot “eyes to see and ears to hear.” Oh to have eyes to see and ears to hear, to have the knowledge of God’s presence in the midst of life’s struggles.
In 2 Kings 6:17 The prophet Elisha was facing a battle, a war with real soldiers, horses and chariots. He could see them, smell them and hear them as they surrounded the city Elisha was in. His servant was terrified. But Elisha told him,
“Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”
And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.
God was there, he had already provided for the victory but the servant didn’t have eyes to see. God had a plan, whether the servant was aware of it or not.
I can’t get the words of Psalm 139 out of my head,
Psalm 139: 7-15
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
There is nowhere we can go that God isn’t, whether we feel him or not, he is there. His presence has nothing to do with our awareness.
He created us. He ordained every single day of my life, of my son’s life, of your life before one of them came to be. And…if that is true, he will provide for every day of our lives as well, even when all we have is the question “Why?”
Jeremiah 29:13 is true yesterday, today and tomorrow.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
This is a beautiful old song by Sandy Patty called “In Heaven’s Eyes” Listen to it with your eyes closed today, trust what the words of this song if you can. Believe that you are seen and known, provided for and loved. Be amazed by the grace you can find, in Heaven’s Eyes.