The moment I found out I was pregnant, everything changed. Every thought, every plan, every idea of the future instantly became something new. I’ve experienced that 5 times in my life. A piece of my heart suddenly belonged to someone I’d never met and that fact that we’d never met meant absolutely nothing…we were connected. I was 23 years old the first time, just a baby myself really. I never got to meet that child, he only survived for 10 weeks but his short lifespan changed my heart the very second I knew he existed.
I was a mother.
I’ve been told the same happens when you adopt. The very moment you find out you have been placed with a child he/she becomes yours instantly. They have your heart.
You are a mother.
My Facebook feed is filled with “First day of school” pictures…
It’s an interesting social media phenomena. We all share in the triumphs and challenges of theses firsts…a shared mom community experience…taking pictures, posting pictures, bragging or bemoaning whatever transitions are taking place in our lives. None of us able to believe how fast time flies by…how quickly our babies become kindergartners, 8th graders, college students. Older moms always warned me that time was short but I couldn’t hear them, I didn’t understand them, I was just so tired and weary. And then suddenly…
Today my phone lit up with a picture of a soldier in training, my girlfriend’s son. I remember when this kid was born. Her heart is straining to stay together as she waits for a phone call from him, it’s been weeks. Another girlfriend is messaging me about her daughter who is grown, lives in another state, has a job, and yet her heart is wrenching because of the distance between them.
A first step, a first tooth, a first concussion, a first dorm, a last kiss, a hug good-bye.
“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:19
As a child, I knew that verse was the end of the Christmas story. As a mom, I know that’s just the beginning. It’s the one verse in the Bible that completely summarizes motherhood. I am amazed that at such a young age Mary knew how to treasure up and ponder, it took me a lot longer to know I had to hold on to moments. I was often too exhausted, frazzled, too busy.
I just read a passage from “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young. “Entrust your loved ones to me; release them into my protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands.”
The irony is that no matter if we do or don’t entrust our babies or grown children to Him, he still watches over them. However, if we do trust God enough to open our hands, there is freedom. Room to breathe. Space to feel, to rejoice and mourn all at the same time. A chance to be in awe of His plan and to thank Him for his care.
This morning these words came to mind. This is the God we serve.
Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
in light inaccessible hid from our eyes,
most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
almighty, victorious, thy great name we praise.
Take a moment to inhale His love. Allow His presence to surround you. Sink into His embrace. Lift up your head and feel the warmth of the sunshine He has provided.
Trust Him, dear mom.
Trust him with your heart. The one you feel beating inside your chest…
and the ones that beat outside of your body.